Personal Bests…

Our Role is to Support These Dads on the Community Level.

Each month Family Services plays host to a growing gathering of engaged professionals with a shared mission… to provide best practices for local dads as they parent their children.  The group, known as the Friends and Fatherhood Network, is comprised of program directors and other providers from organizations such as Head Start, Healthy Families, The Department of Children and Families, Children’s Friend & Family Services.  For them, these monthly meetings are not to be missed as they provide a platform for learning and also an opportunity to exchange common obstacles and plot solutions.  The collective hope and high regard the Fathers and Family Network holds for dads is quite remarkable, and it fuels their day-to-day tireless work on the front line in and around the Merrimack Valley.  In honor of the finish to another productive year supporting fathers, the network recently welcomed a panel of seven men to their June meeting inviting each of them to open up about their firsthand experiences employing the lessons learned through programs such as Siempre Papa and how that type of community support continues to serve their growth as parents.

It’s not often that a group of men come together and bare their souls in the public eye.  But for Jeffrey, Max, Angel, Oleo, Angelo, Umigel and Ramon, nothing is more important than their children and were proud to express that love – especially within the safe setting of the Fathers and Family Network.  Kids’ food allergies, financial hardships, emotional wellness, childcare and custody, being present, communication challenges… these are all parenting issues with which they grapple regularly and that matter deeply to each of them.  What follows here is a glimpse of the raw testimony the panel shared as they let their guards down through tears and a sense of unwavering pride for the roles they have reclaimed in the lives of their children.

“I grew up in the Hancock Housing Projects.  I got involved with gangs at a young age, then came a criminal record.  I didn’t grow up with a father figure in my life, so when I became a young father myself I said, ‘I need to raise this son’.  At the time I was made aware I had a son, I was living in Florida at the time because that’s where the money was.  But, when I found out that I was in fact the father of this child, I dropped everything.  I came straight back to Lawrence and took a job as a bill collector – anything I could to try and support this kid.  It wasn’t easy.  I had nothing.  But, I never stopped trying.  Years later, today I’m in a long term relationship and I’m not only a father to my son, but a step-father and a grandfather.”

“We have a father problem in the streets of Lawrence.  Not just a property problem.  We tend to live in a box.  Coming to the programming offered here has helped me to look beyond those confines.  It opens my eyes as to why a lot of us are where we are today – we didn’t have father figures in our lives.”      Angel, Youth Mentor in the City of Lawrence

“I’m here at these meetings because I want to be a better father figure to my two kids.  Now, I don’t go on the block no more.  Instead, I use that time to visit with my kids and give their mother breaks.”      Angelo, young father, mentored by Angel (above)

“I don’t like conflicts.  I like to stay in peace.  My first relationship had a lot of difficulties.  I went through a lot, and that relationship was a very long road for me and my children.  This group setting offers me the chance to open up about some of the tremendous challenges I continue to face in being a part of my daughters’ lives.  I have a very demanding job and travel a lot for work.  The fatherhood training I received through Family Services has been an eye-opener for me.  My Dad was never around when I was growing up.  One thing I learned here is that when my kids are awake, I give my attention to them.  The work?  It can wait until they are in bed.”      Diego, father of four

“My story began at 19 when I go the call saying, ‘I’m pregnant.’  That was an atomic explosion for me, but I said to myself I am always going to be there for my son, because my Dad was always there for me.  I’ve had ongoing problems with my son’s mother for many, many years.  She made it very difficult for me to spend time with my son when he was young.  I would cry out my anger and my sadness and my frustration every night, because being able to be with my son was all that I wanted.  My son is now 15, and we have a great relationship.  I became a therapeutic mentor to other dads because I want to show that there are fathers who want to be there for their kids.  Mothers and fathers, we are both equal.  And, we are both necessary in the lives of our kids.”     Umigel, father and therapeutic mentor

“I’m a single parent now.  I had some trouble with the law over the years.  When my daughter’s mother passed away, I sought out the services of Siempre Papa because I needed to work with the judicial system to obtain custody of her.”     Jeffrey, father

“One of the things I promised my (first born) son was, ‘I’m not going to be like my Dad.’  The last time I saw him he was living under the bridge doing drugs.  It took me many years navigating difficulties with his mother, but through the power of Google and my supportive (current) wife, I was able to reconnect with my son after a seven year gap.  My biggest problem as father as of late has been communication with my kids.  I work long hours and feel the constant pressure of trying to provide for my family financially.  I completed the Siempre Papa workshop, and it was a huge help.  One of the things that Dionis taught me is that each day when I come home from work, the first thing I need to do is to go and spend time with my kids, give them a hug and tell them that I love them.  Now. that’s become my daily routine, and the habit has made a huge difference.  Coming here to these meetings with other dads, helps me to understand that it’s not just me.  We all have problems.”      Ramon, father of three (pictured above with Family Services’ Siempre Papa Program Coordinator, Dionis Mezquita)

“The Siempre Papa classes got me to understand a bigger definition of the term ‘provider’.  It’s not just about providing financially.  I never missed any of the classes.  In fact,  didn’t want to see them end. I almost want more!  Gathering  with these other fathers is like getting therapy from 10 different people with real problems.  I learn from them how I can make corrections in my own life.”     Max, (later in life) enjoying his role as a father with a second family

One after the other, the dads’ heartfelt accounts arrested those in the audience.  Emotions at times swelled for many of the panelists as they documented their struggles co-parenting with their ex-spouses and navigating the judicial system – most of whom took the pro-active step of putting themselves on child support in an effort be a part of their kids’ lives.  “There are flaws in the system.  We’re hearing that here today.  Our role is to, on the community level, support these dads in their role as co-parents,” pointed out Family Services’ Family Programs Director Betsy Green in acknowledging these truths among her colleagues and peers in the room.

“Thank you for being in your kids’ lives,” offered a Domestic Violence Coordinator from the Department of Children and Families.  “YOU are evidence.  With the little bit that each of you had, just look where you are today.”  That type of praise ensued as the gentleman wrapped up their candid conversation.  After sharing some of the tremendous challenges she had faced raising her children with an absentee father, one single mother on hand fought back tears in her salute to the panel of dads… “I am honored to be here today with each of you, and so grateful to Family Services for making this forum available.  You don’t even know the happiness that I have to see the efforts you are making to be in your children’s lives.  I wish any one of you had been the father to my children.  It’s not just about paying bills, kids need a father present in their life.”

Family Services is grateful to the panel of dads and to everyone who contributed to another productive year for the Fathers and Family Network.  The network will resume its programming in September.  Through our Siempre Papa program, men learn about the true meaning of masculinity, effective ways to truly be a provider, recognize and manage societal and cultural expectations, how to understand and express emotions, positive discipline techniques, and handling stress. To learn more about Family Services’ parenting programs, please visit…